There’s another addiction I see coming up time and again in our gorgeous Sexy Sobriety Members, and that’s the addiction to perfectionism.

I see it in myself too, when I stress over minor details, triple check every email before hitting ‘send’, or feel intense butterflies before speaking to a roomful of people.

Whereas children are happy to playfully barrel into new adventures, as adults, we tend to want to make sure we’re doing something ‘right’. We fear embarrassing ourselves or looking silly. It’s completely normal and understandable, of course, but this fear can hold us back from really putting ourselves out there and trying a ton of new things.

I was so excited to fly to Melbourne to talk to Jennifer Berlingieri, who is a Creative Arts Therapist and Artist. Jennifer facilitates workshops, groups, and private sessions designed to inspire personal growth and change, and has used the arts in therapy for over 14 years in diverse client settings, including mental health, trauma, drug & alcohol, eating disorders and aged care/dementia.

Jennifer is also a supervisor and sessional teacher at MIECAT for students pursuing the Masters in Therapeutic Arts Practice, which is how I stumbled across her workshop (see Episode 4!).

I couldn’t wait to ask Jennifer all the questions I had before I went to her workshop, like how we train ourselves to accept that art therapy is about the PROCESS, not the final end result, allowing us more freedom and confidence within our experience.

As Jennifer shared, art therapy is not about improving our art work, it’s about exploring our emotions…

“Art therapy accesses the limbic parts of our brains, which is all about memory, intuition, emotions, and creativity. So, rather than talking ABOUT our lives, we are EXPRESSING our lives.”

Indeed, while immersed in the workshop, I found it a highly effective way of getting into my body. All the anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, and wanting to do things ‘right’ – it all lives in our heads, and can hold us back from really exploring any pent-up emotions we have stored in our bodies.

Join us as we delve deep into the beauty of utilising art therapy to further develop our emotional maturity and accelerate our growth…

“The more that we as adults can practice coming down from our expectations and getting ‘in the zone’, however we do that – it might be taking a walk or it might be dancing or scribbling – then our brain gets more used to that. So, neuroplasticity. If we can start bringing our brains away from the stress and the anxiety, then slowly, slowly, our brains will actually grow in that direction.”

My beautiful great-grandmother, for as long as I can remember and right up until she passed away about 15 years ago, sang in a choir every single week. She loved it, and would always tell us all about the friends she sang with, and what they were all up to. I thought it was adorable, but something that only elders did for fun.

Lo and behold, one fine day I was chatting with a group of friends when one of them mentioned that she was heading to choir practice later that day.

“Oh, which choir do you sing with?”, another friend asked. When she replied, he told us that he was in a different choir group, and they got to chatting about how much they both loved it.

Since these two friends are quite possibly the happiest people I know, it got me thinking about the sense of community that singing in a choir can bring, and the impact that can have on our mental health.

When we embrace sobriety, we also tend to change identity and lifestyle, which inevitably is a great thing. But during the bumpy transition phase, many of us can struggle with feelings of isolation, low self esteem, and difficulty processing complicated emotions.

Keen to understand how singing in a choir might be able to help, I came across Tania de Jong’s TEDx talk, ‘How Singing Together Changes the Brain‘. I was blown away and utterly inspired by Tania’s varied and fascinating career and the passion and love with which she talked about this topic.
 

“ So many of us have been told we can’t sing or we’re not creative, and these sorts of messages permeate our belief system, and we have these self-limiting beliefs that mean that we really disqualify ourselves from doing some of the things that would really help us to unlock our full potential. ”

 
Tania’s work focuses on building and unleashing creative potential that transforms lives. She’s not only an acclaimed Australian soprano, but also the founder of Creativity Australia, running With One Voice choir social inclusion programs, and the global community wellbeing video challenge, Sing for Good. So I was thrilled to fly to Melbourne to interview her.

I started to think joining a choir group might be fun, but felt a little apprehensive, because I don’t see myself as the ‘musical’ type, or believe I have a natural talent when it comes to singing.  I was keen to ask her if anyone could join (lacking talent or otherwise), as well as explore the physical, mental and emotional benefits.

Let’s just say, our chat did not disappoint. Join us as we dive into the magic of self-belief, unlocking our own individual voice and the voices of those around us, and exactly what it is about singing in a group that is so powerful for us as human beings…

“ Singing is like a super wonder drug because the neuroscientific benefits are so profound for people.
 
When you sing, and particularly when you sing with other people, your right temporal lobe fires up, making you smarter, happier, healthier, more creative. And so you release all these endorphins, and they are what make you feel smarter, happier, healthier, more creative. But instead of it being a temporary thing, like with alcohol, this is a permanent change to your brain…
 
Not only that, but your memory, language, concentration improves. Singing with others has even been shown to heal people from strokes and brain injuries, and improve people with alzheimers.
 
So it really is the most incredible drug for your brain… And the thing about it is, when you sing with other people, you breathe with them, because you’re breathing the same phrases together in a choir. And there’s also some research, which is quite beautiful, that shows that your hearts start to beat together. ”

Welcome to Episode 1 of our all-new Sexy Sobriety adventure series!
This series was inspired by the question, what next? What happens when we’ve been sober for a while? How do we really take our wellness and growth to the next level, and create a life that truly lights us up?

Today’s interview felt like the perfect segue from our traditional interview series into this exciting new realm…

 
Back in my teens and 20s, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what self-awareness even was, let alone have a strong enough sense of self to know what my values were.

I remember going for a job interview at a marketing company when I was about 19. The manager was a confident, charismatic man who smiled as I sat down and boomed, “So, Rebecca, tell me – what are you passionate about?”

I was completely baffled, and thought this must be some strange ‘marketing speak’ I wasn’t privy to. I mumbled something about being passionate about “my life”, but honestly, I didn’t have a clue. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

This was also around the same time that I developed the underlying belief that if I was thinner, people would love me more. I became obsessed, keeping a food diary and challenging myself to reduce the number of entries each day. Dizzy spells and almost fainting became as normal to me as breathing.  This false belief was a nightmare that haunted me for years.

Add to this, a propensity to drink myself silly, and you had one very lost, anxiety-ridden, ashamed, young woman.

It feels a world away from where I am now – alcohol-free, and finally at peace with wholesome food, my body, and my life.

I was so excited to fly to Singapore to talk to Aimee Barnes Pestano, not just because of her amazing work helping women to overcome alcohol misuse, but also the interesting crossover into eating disorders (and why it is that so many of us have experienced both).

Following her own transformational journey out of clinical depression and an alcohol use disorder in 2009, Aimee fell in love with running, and felt compelled to make a career shift, combining the fields of coaching, counselling, fitness and wellness.

When Aimee and her husband relocated from New York to Singapore, Aimee continued running, and then entered a national bodybuilding championship (and won!), propelling her onto the speaking circuit.

Join us as we dive into the correlation between eating and alcohol use disorders, the unique pressures and cultures of expat communities, and the beauty and liberation of self-discovery…

“ The disordered eating starts usually quite early, right? As a coping mechanism, or as a mechanism to push away that discomfort with oneself. And so, a lot of the women I work with, as a coach, I’m not just trying to get them to stop doing a certain behaviour, or stop using a substance. That’s actually a very small part of my job.

 

It’s: ‘Who are you? What do you want in life? What do you want to ask for? What’s your purpose? What are your values?’

 

THAT’S the work that I do and I love doing. And most often, they’ll say: “I don’t know. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know who I am; I don’t know what my values are.”
And that takes a long time to build and discover. Not running away from the self. “

 
Oh boy, did this interview completely re-inspire me when it comes to taking care of my body and mind!

Jolene Park’s interest in holistic recovery began when she stopped using alcohol as a way to self-medicate her own anxiety.  Jolene started using nutritional and lifestyle pieces to feel better, and drew on her studies in neurotransmitter and nutrient support, the cross addiction between alcohol and sugar, emotional resiliency techniques, and alternative healing, to overcome anxiety and stress.

“There is a sensitivity gene, and people will say: they feel more sensitive, they just take things more personally, and have used alcohol or sugar to buffer that. And it truly is in the physiology, there’s a gene there, and we call it the orchid gene. So if you think of an orchid, it needs a very sensitive environment, that ‘greenhouse’ environment, to thrive…
And the good news is, if that gene is tripped, when we put people back into really supportive, really soothing environments, using some of these techniques we know – with food, with yoga – they actually have a higher plasticity rate in their brain, which means that the brain will adapt and reshape and rewire… So it’s not a matter of ‘Oh, I’m doomed’ – NO, there’s incredible hope to bring things back into balance.”

Jolene has a wealth of wellness knowledge and is truly passionate about sharing these holistic tools with others. Join us as we talk about a broad spectrum of fascinating topics, including regulating cravings, gut healing (and why it’s crucial), and changing our brain chemistry…

“Three of my favourite things to regulate that fight/flight/freeze response that’s stuck on ‘on’ in the brain, don’t cost anything. The first is some form of focused breath work… Writing is really, really powerful. When we’re talking, we don’t get to that part of the brain that is holding on to that stress response. It’s in the mid-brain, the emotional and animal part of the brain in the back. But when we write and journal, it unlocks it. It unloops that stress response. And movement, particularly in the form of dancing, or really ‘shaking it off’.”

Resources mentioned in this interview:

::  Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s book:  The Body Keeps the Score
::  Dr. Gabor Maté’s book:  When the Body Says No
::  Jolene’s article:  Women & Alcohol
::  Plus, Jolene’s TEDx talk: Grey Area Drinking

Jolene Park is a functional nutritionist, health coach, trauma informed yoga student and founder of Healthy Discoveries – a corporate wellness consulting and training company. Jolene shares empowering tools with her clients who also want to live an alcohol-free lifestyle. Her specialty is in the cross addiction between alcohol and sugar, depleted neurotransmitter and nutrient support, cravings, fight-flight-freeze stress responses, neuroplasticity, emotional resiliency techniques, habit change and mindfulness. 

Find Jolene at  Healthy Discoveries :: Instagram :: Facebook :: Twitter

 
Seven years ago, Kirsten Johnson was working as a Data Analyst for a start-up in San Francisco. Suffering from a range of anxiety disorders, she found herself increasingly self-medicating with alcohol.

“I kept drinking more, and there was more anxiety. And the alcohol made the anxiety go away, but then sometimes the anxiety would come back even more. It was almost like a mountain of anxiety was being built underneath me…
One day I looked in the mirror and it was as if the flame of my spirit was flickering. I saw this hollow shell, and I didn’t recognise myself, and I was terrified.”

Desperate for her anxiety attacks to stop, and no longer wanting to use alcohol to hide, Kirsten craved tools that would give her lasting results – to completely change the way she experienced life, including the way she related to her thinking and emotions.

Her quest led her around the world and across Asia to Bali, Thailand, India, and Nepal. She sought out gurus and teachers, and studied yogic breathing techniques, transcendental meditation, relaxation techniques, Vipassana, Reiki, Tai Chi, Chi Gong and Buddhism.

And finally, she found her way.

“That’s what I wanted with my emotions – I wanted to control all my emotions, on demand, to be one way, and it was drunk. I wanted to be a little bit numb all the time. And then I get sober, and I’m like, ‘oh, this is what life is, this is the richness of life’.”

We filmed this interview on the very day of Kirsten’s 7-year soberversary. Hers is a story of finding answers and channeling her experiences into a powerful way to help others. Join us as we talk anxiety, handling emotions in a healthy way, and how to finally be comfortable in our own skin…

“I have never loved harder… That’s what’s on the other side of the fear, that’s what’s on the other side of the grief, the loneliness and feeling all those emotions – I get to feel love now like I have never felt it in my entire life… and it’s me – it’s my heart – being healed…”

 
* P.S.  I only noticed our matching striped shirts after we’d recorded – just another beautiful act of synchronicity. 😉 *

Resources mentioned in this interview:

::  Tara Brach’s book:  Radical Acceptance
::  The infamous spiritual text:  A Course in Miracles

Kirsten Johnson is an author and CTI certified life coach. She coaches clients through overcoming anxiety and fear, and towards living their dream life. Kirsten is also the creator of Digital Anxiety Pill, a 5-week online course designed to help people in early sobriety overcome anxiety while also learning how to manage intense emotions. Her experience is that with a little instruction, a few techniques, and some practice, our brains can radically change, allowing us to shed our anxiety and have a richer experience of life. 

Find Kirsten at  Richer Experiences :: Digital Anxiety Pill :: Instagram :: Facebook :: Twitter :: YouTube

 
Gretchen’s story is one I’ve become so familiar with as I interview more incredible women like her, and welcome more members from around the globe to Sexy Sobriety.

So many of us found that we struggled with people pleasing, approval addiction, over-exercising, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression, before we even had the chance to pick up our first drink.

For a young girl, they’re some heavy burdens to bear! Not to mention what they do to our self-esteem and ability to really know and trust ourselves.

“Our frontal cortex isn’t fully formed until our early twenties. My addiction began at eighteen, so it’s taken me six or seven years to really become a full adult, in many ways. Like, how I process things, how I perceive myself… “

One of my favourite IIN lecturers, Daniel G. Amen, MD, Psychiatrist, founder of Amen Clinics, and one of the world’s foremost experts on applying brain imaging science to everyday clinical practice, concurs:
 
“If you want to be more successful in all aspects of life, you need to protect and take care of your brain… [Our] brains aren’t fully developed until about age 25. This is when the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the part of the brain that controls decision-making, judgment, forethought, focus and impulse control, among other functions, is considered fully developed.”
 
Gretchen recently celebrated 7+ years of sobriety and 8+ of recovery from an eating disorder. Hers is a story of not only healing, but of channelling her passions into a way to help others. Now happy and healthy, she devotes her days to helping other people to find more peace, wellness, and self-love.

“Everyone told me this, and you think, ‘oh I’ve got it figured out’. But you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. And it’s so clichéd, but it is SO true.”

Join us as we talk mental health, getting to the truth of who we really are, and the process of rebuilding our relationships with ourselves…
 

Gretchen Hoechner is a wellness consultant and public speaker in Nashville, TN. Having recently celebrated 7+ years of sobriety and 8+ of recovery from an eating disorder, she is an inspirational speaker for support groups, schools, churches, and other organizations that desire to learn more about addiction and reduce the associated stigma. She also works individually with people looking to improve their lives by taking a holistic approach, with resources, strategies and personalised programs in the areas of nutrition, exercise, and mindset.

Find Gretchen at  Get Healthy 615 :: Instagram :: Facebook :: Twitter

One of the great ironies of drinking is that it can seem like a convenient way to numb ourselves to what we perceive as ‘negative’ emotions. What we forget is that in doing so, we also numb ourselves to feeling the full spectrum of human emotion, and therefore never feel truly alive.

Two years ago, Maya knew in her heart that she was ready for change. Her journey of self-discovery led her to Sexy Sobriety and then to enlisting the support of a health coach.

“I really did feel that my sobriety, once I committed to it, was that black and white for me. I didn’t want to live in that grey area anymore… I didn’t want to have that part of me that was always thinking, maybe this time it’ll be different… It just wasn’t worth it anymore.”

Maya’s is a story of not only finding herself, but following her heart into a new career that truly lights her up. Now happy and healthy, she devotes her days to helping other women find more peace in their daily lives.

Join us as we talk courage, clarity, connection, and discovering the gifts that had been buried there all along…

“Being sober allowed me to explore my passions. I kinda’ started that journey while I was still drinking, but it was like looking at it through the glass bottle. I could just never find enough confidence to take any major leaps, because I didn’t have the confidence in myself.

When I stopped drinking, I gained so much self-confidence and all this self-awareness, that I looked around and said, ‘I’ve been asking all these people to tell me what to do. But I’m the only one who really knows.’ So I actually quit my job, took some time off, and started a meal planning business…”

Maya Henry is the creator of Meals with Maya, where she helps busy moms who are stressed out about dinner-time to plan meals their whole family will love, so they can enjoy family meal time again.

Find Maya at Maya Henry :: Facebook :: Instagram

 
Hi beautiful!

Here’s a snippet from one of our recent Live Coaching Calls, ‘Managing Emotions’.

“Quite often we attach to the bottle because we are sensitive souls…”

 
 
If you were to ask me which part of sobriety I love the most, I’d tell you it’s the absolute, delicious, blissful freedom.

Freedom from counting drinks. Freedom from giving myself ‘those lectures’ about not making an idiot of myself this time. Freedom from saying stupid things I regret. Freedom from believing I can only connect with people when I have a drink in my hand. Freedom from searching for late-night cabs in the freezing cold, or worrying about how to get home. Freedom from the morning-after cocktail of tiredness, nausea, anxiety and paranoia.

I’m not saying it was always easy. For the first few months especially, whenever I let myself get hungry, tired, or overworked – my inner 3-year-old threw a tantrum, demanding wine, wine, WINE!

But I am saying it gets so much easier. And that the freedom makes it SO incredibly worth it.
  
You might remember Bianca MacLachlan from her beautiful guest story in The Vault.  Well, in this interview, she’s back on her 18-month soberversary – happier and healthier than ever – to share with us what she’s learnt on this incredible journey.

Like so many of us, Bianca once had a ton of interests, but not the time or capacity to enjoy them.  Between drinking with friends, and feeling hungover, alcohol seemed to take up every minute of the day.  But as she began her studies to become a Health Coach, she couldn’t ignore her intuition any longer.

“I just started to have this voice in the back of my head that said: You will never become successful in this field of work, if you don’t stop drinking.“

Bianca has since channeled her life lessons into a passion for helping others. Hers is a story of self-discovery, uncovering who she really is, and finding her true purpose.  Join us as we talk personal development, friendship evolution, and the unique challenges of sobriety in a small mining town…

“Because drinking, it just holds you in this vicious cycle. Because you’re drinking two, three, however many days per week. Then you’re hungover, then you go to work, then you come home, then you drink some more, then you’re hungover…. And it’s so hard to evolve or grow or develop yourself personally, when that’s all that you’re doing.

So the second you can remove that out of your life, suddenly you’re like: oh my God, there’s this whole world, and this whole life, and there’s so much I can do!…  It’s this overwhelming freedom. There’s nothing holding me back anymore.“

Bianca MacLachlan is a certified holistic health coach, personal trainer, devoted yoga teacher and avid blogger. She mentors women who are feeling the call to change their unhealthy lifestyle by moving them out of the darkness and into the bright light of their own true vitality.

Find Bianca at Vitality Health Coaching :: Instagram :: Twitter

 
Hi beautiful!

Here’s a snippet from one of our recent Live Coaching Calls, ‘The Five Elements’.

“In order to rebuild, you need a strong foundation. I’ve encountered five elements in particular that make for fun, sexy and successful long-term sobriety.”