Love Notes from Members
There have been some really hard days. So many emotions, and dealing with cravings or feeling like I don’t “fit” anymore. But, the rewards have WAY outweighed the challenges…
There’s so much more to this. I could go on forever. But I am starting to trust myself and get to know myself again, just like you said. I also think so much more clearly and feel much more present in my life.
I’m so grateful for you, Bex! I’m sad that the daily updates are over, but I will be visiting The Vault. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story and make a difference. One thing I need to work on is having the courage to tell my story. And, to find my sober tribe (even if it’s just one other person!) . Take good care and thank you.
P.S. I can’t believe I didn’t even mention this – a true sign of how far I’ve come! My #1 reason for wanting to quit drinking is because it made my anxiety SO much worse. I’m feeling so good now and have cut the dose of my anxiety meds in half – soon to be done with them completely!!
The last couple of nights have been hard which has really taken me by surprise. Nothing in particular happened; no drama, no turbulent emotion (makes a change!).
My old drinking voice just slyly crept in and tried so damned hard to persuade me that a glass of wine in the sunshine would be a great idea. I haven’t heard that voice for a while and it feels very strange to have it back in my head again. I don’t like it. I’ve learnt so much about who I really am since I started my Sexy Sobriety journey and I am so proud of my strength and of finding my true authentic self.
Love to you, Bex, and to all my fellow strong and sober women. x
LOVE the idea of the treats. Made some turmeric Golden Milk last night and took it in to have with a hot bath with lavender epsom salts and candles. Then crawled into bed and listened to one of your coaching calls. Woke up feeling so rested. Off to the store today for fresh limes to go with my sparkling water.
I actually see a light out of the darkness now, thanks to you. Oh and I loved your book, too. It’s how my decision to become sober began. Thank you!
As I reflect on the last three months, I see someone who’s discovered new passions (painting) and rekindled old ones (reading obscene amounts of fiction). Someone who’s made huge progress on her old goals (finishing a novel and querying agents) and creating new ones (launching a podcast). Anxiety has subsided, emotions have stabilized, and clarity has been accessed.
Bex, you were such an integral part of this whole process for me. I’ve been very silent to most about this journey, and have managed to not even mention it to a lot of my friends and family members, but I’ve known that you were by my side the entire time. I’m so grateful for you, and I’m grateful that countless others have come before me and had a chance to take part in your program. Thank you again, and cheers to a booze-free life.
As I was going through my closet, pulling out items of clothes really struck a chord with me. I never realized how many emotions were associated with different outfits. A lot of shame and regret and that pit-of-the-stomach embarrassment as I recalled the boozy night when I last wore that dress / top / outfit. Things that only I would remember (I never recall what other people wear so I’m pretty sure they don’t remember what I had on!) but for me, the recollection of the moronic behavior I displayed in that outfit – even if it wasn’t a terrible night, but an instance in letting myself down. And how I felt about myself afterwards – every time I glanced at that article of clothing.
Throwing those items into the charity bin this week was very symbolic. I don’t think I have anything left in my closet that conjures up any negative memories of me being drunk. SO freeing.
This week I also treated myself to a few new items ready for Winter. Ready to create new positive memories with these clothes on my continued sober journey. Just wanted to say thank you so much. It was something I never would have thought of but definitely needed to do. x
I am what the French call “a woman of a certain age”. I have had many phases in my life, but the one constant since I was 17 up until 90 days ago, was partying with my best friends – drugs and alcohol, most recently wine. I had attempted to get help years ago, but nothing spoke to me. I was so sick of that lifestyle. I knew I was well past the point in my life where I should have drawn a line in the sand, but I wasn’t able to until I found your website. You had first hand knowledge, understood how I felt, and could explain the reasons why.
I was very impressed by you and the wonderful women you interviewed. I am amazed at the power of women on the internet, with their businesses, helping each other, it really gives me hope. My next 90 days I will be focusing on exercise and movement. I had let all that go several years ago, but now recognize that it will need to be a constant part of my life as I go forward. I finally have my life back. Most importantly I have my freedom, and you have given that to me. All my best and thank you again so much!
Sexy Sobriety had been on my mind for some time. I’d instantly gobbled up your book when it was released last year. After drinking too much at a party, I knew I had to try for 100 days. Thank you for providing me with a roadmap, I’m almost there! I’ve peeled back so many layers to myself during the process and feel lighter and more knowledgable about myself than ever.
I identify myself as someone who “doesn’t really have a problem” according to the outside world. Driven, successful, in to nutrition, fitness, etc. etc. I mean, I’m a health coach too! I’m pretty moderate with my drinking, but would sometimes sneak that extra pour of wine, or reach for wine when I was stressed, or try for that extra drink at a party with unlimited booze. It just didn’t sit right with me. I’ve moderated for a couple years now and started getting hangovers just from 1/2 a glass of white wine!
Sexy Sobriety is like a beautiful advent calendar. It’s so fun to open up a gift on each bright new day! I’m excited to explore The Vault and stay on your membership program. You’ve changed my life, Bex – thank you for opening up a whole world for me!
Because I never hit bottom – because I never argued, or attacked anyone, or got arrested, or woke up in hospital – in the past, it was easy to relapse over and over again, arguing in my head that I wasn’t so bad. But I was drinking too much, every night, and it was setting up this cognitive dissonance in my head that was driving me nuts: I don’t want to drink/I really want a drink. I felt like shit and I was sick of feeling like shit.
I think your great gift – apart from your lovely empathy and warmth – is that you de-shame overdrinking. It feels like this terrible weight, this awful feeling of guilt and failure, this terrible deep dark secret. And you make it pretty everyday and just something we need to deal with, when we’re ready and on our own terms.
I really thought my life would shut down when I stopped drinking. But is has opened up in more ways than I dreamed possible. And I just wanted to express my gratitude and get this off to you before I start getting ready for work (I have time now, in the mornings, to do things. Unbelievable). Thank you, thank you, so much Bex.
Being in The Vault now, really USING this virtual sisterhood, and having since renewed abstinence with all of these tools, I am definitely spending a lot of emotional time with my 19 year old self. I am 41 this week, and have been an almost daily drinker the whole last two decades. You’re not kidding when you say that conscious sobriety strips you back to where things began. I’ve had some crystallised sorrow for that girl.
There isn’t a thing on this list that isn’t good and necessary medicine. I needed every last piece.
It is really learning how to live again. And every effort, no matter how minute or seemingly insignificant, led me to the very committed sober individual I am at this moment. With my heart peeling and falling open in beautiful tatters and layers. I’m excited to see what the original wallpaper looks like. And I’m going slow and methodically so I don’t accidentally rip through it with misguided zeal.
Maybe just one of you faltered or feels the same. I want you to know my heart goes out to you and I’m proud of you for even trying. I’m inspired to know you exist, and that you’re trying too.
Especially you, Rebecca. You’ve been a “sister” to me. I wouldn’t be quite here in this place of emotional growth without you. I would just still be wrestling with drinking. So thank you, ladies.
I’ve thought alcohol has been the thing that has made me happy for so long that I’m finding it hard to even visualise things that make me happy. So for now I am going to visualise myself at the end of 90 days having discovered what makes me happy!
It has revealed how unpracticed I am in this part of my life, which sheds light on how much I have expected wine to be for me. That’s a lot to ask from a liquid. 🙂 From the previous coaching call on self-soothing, I had made a note to focus on amazing sober treats as a “craft”, an art form. My brain is still wrapping itself around this. But the light is getting brighter.
I know I can’t make truly lasting changes approaching this from a place of deprivation. Creating and providing myself with wholesome rewards is essential, ’til it becomes one long string of twinkly lights stretching into both horizons- ’til life becomes an amazing sober treat, in and of itself. It will be good to get to the place where vibrant thinking, personal integrity and the high quality life it offers can be its own reward.
I appreciate that you reiterated the point about how to manage the limbic system and create new neural pathways. It takes work to make deep new grooves, and the wind and dust of time and travel to fill in the old ones. I need to meditate on that. It doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s alright. My little limbic system needs some TLC.
I always appreciate these calls, and your kind manner. I get as much out of the live coaching calls as I do the whole program. Thank you, Rebecca. Thank you so much for giving me this dignified space to sound things out, and for being such a compassionate trail guide.
I am going to focus on the healthy treats this week. I’m going to write down each evening what it will be for the following day when I am planning out what needs to be done. If I can squeeze it in, my highlight this week is going to be a massage on Thursday. Bliss!
Thanks again for your continued support via this awesome program.
It was a great experience. It’s made me look at my habits and routines under a different lens and question some of my behaviours and beliefs. Thank you for helping me to do this – and, in such a polished and sexy way! I wish you all the best.
I love the podcasts and activities each day, and I so look forward to my daily email! Thanks so much for all you do.
All the points you made! Spot on! It feels so amazing to hear you speak a language I totally get. You just resonate so much with me and for once I actually trust that I can make changes that are already so me I just couldn’t access them before because of dysfunctional patterns.
I’m on the beach today with my family. An ordinary day really…. Only it’s not ordinary ’cause Mommy didn’t pack beers and margaritas and is not sitting here wondering when its ok to start drinking them! (so embarrassing to admit!). It’s my day 60 and you have made it so do-able and totally enjoyable! You’re like my little willpower cheerleader! Mwah!! Xoxoxo
1-Model for others how they should treat you by how YOU treat you (hello, Charlie). 2-Set a minimum standard of self-care (since I grapple with this, I love the idea of giving myself a foundation to build on. No maximum, just a minimum. A starting place. This goes along with making self-care non-negotiable.) 3-Anything that doesn’t feel like a ‘hell yes!’ is a no. (Fantastic- not a word more is necessary in this one.) So much to meditate on today, things that are naturally coming up in discussion with myself at this point anyway. Bread crumbs in the forest. Thank you.
From now on I am going to buy myself fresh flowers to celebrate every week of sexy sobriety!
Another reward I will honour myself with is a beautiful facial. This, believe it or not, I only have once a year on my birthday. Well you know what sister, I am celebrating ME more often than once a year from now on!
Thank you all so much for sharing – it’s great to get new ideas!
The friendship changing the most is the one with myself. I guess I could say I’m actually pursuing or cultivating one for the first time as an adult.
I felt proud of myself but also heard [my inner voice] say “this is when you’d normally be pouring a glass of wine …. go on, you’ve been good, 4 days … just duck down the road and grab a bottle, you can just have one”!! I then got up and put the kettle on to make a beautiful chai spiced herbal tea. I thought: wow… being the first weekend of sobriety, my body was craving what I have been feeding it every other Friday night for what seems like forever!
I am feeling so fantastic today and so grateful to have your support in this program, Bex. I’m feeling the Sexiness of Sobriety today, I can tell you. Mwah!
I have signed up for a ceramics class on Fridays which is my fave day of the week now. I want to learn to draw and paint next, and I have also dusted off my camera and started taking pics again, and you know, I am not bad at all.
I have always thought I was not the creative type but I now see that creativity is innate in all of us and this realisation has opened up my heart to appreciate the art of others so much more. Happy creating, everyone! xx
I’m on Day 15 today and feeling great! I’ve joined you for the Deepak Chopra Meditation Challenge. Can’t wait to start tomorow. xx
I can actually see people soften before my eyes and they almost breathe a sign of relief as it becomes clear that we are the same in our imperfections. The bonds grow visibly stronger as the walls come down. It’s a huge blessing and I hope to always stay in my truth.
Last night was the first time I could be 100% sure that every word that came out of my mouth was genuine, truthful and kind. That’s another huge score for us sober sisters. All my love to you on your individual journeys to freedom xx
I so enjoy following your work and whenever I listen to any of your recordings or read something you write it always lights up my day. Keep up the fantastic work you do, you are a great inspiration to so many women, I love it! Lots of love from Amsterdam!
As for life now, after almost 4 and a half months of sobriety, I can happily share that I sleep better, have deepened my friendships, enjoy going out even more, and especially love waking up early for a run along our beautiful rivers, my mood is consistently more stable, and my skin is clearer. I’m even planning a week away with my husband (first alcohol free holiday for two in a l-o-n-g time) and planning on taking good books, great food, exercise gear, spa treatments and great chocolate. Can’t wait!
Please accept my heartfelt thanks for making such a huge difference to me, and to so many others, with your program. With lots of love.
Instead, I’m thinking about what great adventure I am going to have that night, or the next morning when I am NOT hungover. Really powerful stuff. Your program is amazing, and not just for people looking to give it up completely. Just a total, much needed, shift in perspective. I am so happy that something so wonderful has come out of your sobriety journey!!
As my husband really doesn’t understand what I’m experiencing and therefore doesn’t provide much support, I find your emails, interviews, pep talks, suggestions for different/nurturing/enriching/fun activities, elixir recipes and webinars uplifting and inspiring – and their colourful, professional presentation doesn’t hurt either! They help to keep me on track.
Your bubbly, positive attitude reminds me that it’s not all about self-denial, misery and just getting on with it.
The fact that you look so beautifully healthy and happy is another enormous positive!
I feel better able to face the days and especially the nights – thanks in large part to you! So best wishes, love and thanks.
In the past few days I have felt the desire to get my own biz up and running after months of questioning it all, BIG fear, and a pretty shabby attitude towards my own fulfilment, and pretty much everything. This rekindled desire feels like a major step forward for me and I put it down to ZERO booze for 11 whole days, not even one – no cheating! A triumph in my world after consistently getting into the vino for the past 20 years of my life.
I love your kind heartedness, your truth and your fearless self expression. I hope to shine my own light soon. Thanks again for your daily support and treats. I so look forward to opening up the new link each day. Huge love. x
PS. I really enjoyed the interview with Alice Nicholls. Inspiring stuff!
The last few weeks have been hard, but I feel as if I’m coming out the other side – I’ve had some challenging feelings, but I’m riding them like a wave, and realising that all things will eventually pass.
Thank you so very much for your time and attention. It means so much to know that I have such a wonder sober mentor to help me navigate this journey. x
Just last week I had a very exciting day and usually I would celebrate the excitement by having a cocktail or wine – instead I went for a run and really embraced the natural buzz my energy was already experiencing!
I just watched the interview with Sazzu Hope. Totally relate – I drank way more often than her but my quitting was so much more about my energy/vibration and the WHY do I feel the need to drink.
Thank you for making this program. It’s so exciting being on this journey.
It’s just been the easy answer for so long and right now everything seems so hard, so I wanted to take the easy way out. Thank you for all your help.
I’m really enjoying the Sexy Sobriety program over here in Toronto, Canada! I’m on Day 22 and it’s actually been a fairly easy 22 days – way easier than I thought it would be! The mental seesaw that always followed a night of over-drinking (I should give up drinking… I need to be better about sticking to my two drink maximum… I’ll just never drink red wine/port/cocktails again and I’ll be fine… No more drinking at home, etc.) is gone now that I’ve made the decision and it’s been great!
Thanks for the great program, Bex! You’ve done a wonderful job and have such a lovely kind voice; I’m feeling very good about the whole thing!
I found phase 1 very easy and really found that the daily e-mail from you was a huge help… Thank you for being such an inspiration. I am on such a wonderfully happy and exciting journey now.
Not drinking this time has transformed my heart. And it’s only been 30 days. It’s really changed everything.
Not all the changes are complete, of course, but they are significant none the less. My drinking, which I thought buoyed me for so long, had been the anchor dragging me down…
Anyway, what I meant to say is thank you. THANK YOU for your lovely laugh which brightens my commute as I listen to the interviews and your pep talks. Thanks for putting this all together and for being a guide for me. You are a big part of what has pulled me once and for all from the darkness.
I love, love, love being sober, so I have signed up to your site to get my sober motivation again. I love the vibe – it’s gorgeous and positive and right up my street, as seeing and living sober as a positive life choice! Unleashing our fabulousness!
So, this treating ourselves well is so vital I agree – I actually think I started drinking again because I forgot all that lovely self care and ran on empty again – as women / mums do, so here’s to the sober treats! Lots of love.
I agree too about feeling connected.. to your partner, family friends and also your tribe. This has come up for me lately. I have good friends but they are not my ‘sober tribe’. I love Sexy Sobriety because, as I said to my husband last night, it can feel lonely sometimes ‘out there’ when people don’t get the journey you’re on, and this support can make all the difference. Thanks again Bex.
I love the idea of different journals. I am also loving the daily emails. They have really helped me over the festive period not to feel like I’m missing out by not drinking. On Christmas Day I had a great alcohol-free sparkling wine in a flute and my husband tied a red ribbon round the stem for me so I didn’t get my glass mixed up with anyone else’s. It made me feel like I had a prize! Lots of love to you.
One of the main BIG themes I am getting from all the interviews that if you quit numbing yourself and give yourself some love, then your true gifts can come forth. I am already finding that to be true and I am developing some renewal for projects I have put aside for the last years of my drinking life. Now all of a sudden I am feeling energized.
The best part is waking up the same everyday – after a good’s nights sleep and feeling peppy again. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way. Day 24! Woo-hoo! Feeling way more optimistic and confident than before where there was always an element of slight depression. That reduction in energy is quite real. So thanks again!
Starting to feel excited to be finding my way back and living life on my terms again. It’s amazing to have beautiful, fearless, talented women being courageous and sharing their stories. Thank you! xx
Thank you, Sexy Sobriety sisters and Bex, for this amazing resource of support and motivation. Often, my sober treat is listening to or reading one of the days in this gorgeous programme – I so look forward to them and love going back through them. Much love. xx
How refreshing and life-changing to see and hear these beautiful women who report back from the other side that they actually find they enjoy life so much more as their authentic selves can come out. No need to think you have to suffer at all. “There is no downside”.
And here I am at day 85 actually and I can honestly report that I have never felt so good for so long. I will never go back to that self-imposed state of limitations. And I am not suffering cravings or any bad event – in fact, I look forward to healthy food and delicious drink and wonderful people. It’s been awesome and I so appreciate hearing from those who have succeeded and who are now happy and successful. I can join you now! Thanks.
I mentioned before that I did a year alcohol-free and then went back to drinking once or twice a month for a year – it really didn’t work for me. A lot of the time I was trying to fathom if I was ‘that bad’. I feel over this time I was still working it out, writing, blogging, trying. I didn’t drink as much as a lot of sober folks I had connected to and yet I didn’t sit comfortably with people who drank… so I felt a bit tribeless.
What I have realised since I started the Sexy Sobriety program is that it was the wrong question. The question I now ask myself is not ‘Was I that bad?’, but ‘Did it make me happy?’. The answer is ‘No’. Even when I looked like a ‘Normal’ drinker on the outside, drinking never made me happy – the opposite in fact – I am SO much happier without it in my life, in my body. It’s amazing.
I am lucky to have fantastic friends who I am still really great friends with and like you say, we tend to do different kinds of activities and will often have a quick catch up over cake and find that we are sobbing over something and laughing like fools in the middle of the day.
I find that my connection to myself now is very strong. And I don’t want to drink because it would interrupt that connection. I trust that however I react it’s because I am reacting, not overreacting or underreacting because I have had a glass of wine or I have a hangover. I have learnt to say ‘I don’t know’ to my kids because sometimes it takes me a while to work out my take on something. I have found I enjoy sex more sober – I used to think I was much wilder with a bottle of wine inside me but I now realise I just was numb and disconnecting, whereas I actually show up now!
My oldest best friends ‘get’ it and the awkward ones are newer, circumstantial friendships which I let just be that rather than trying to speed-connect with wine just because I have to see them every day.
Thanks again for a lovely talk. Lots of love to you and to all the other sober goddesses doing this program. xxx
I had a week coming up with contentious events and I was terrified of it. And guess what? It passed without any big deal. No big willpower was needed like I was afraid of. I was able to just let the negative stuff pass by, although I was assertive and proud of myself for doing that without falling apart. I appreciated that I felt alert and able to make better judgments. It turned out to be another good week!
I just listened to your Sarah Yost interview and really related to her discussion that emotions, when you are sober, just pass by quickly. I just experienced that and it is so true. My overall good feelings are now much stronger than my overall feelings of anger and grief that I used to drink to get rid of. Now the negative emotions are just dissolving away and just don’t seem like such a big deal anymore.
I think when you try to drown them in alcohol that it just magnifies them when you stop drinking. Without the drinking, they are truly no big deal! What a revelation and revolution!
Thanks for all the tips and for your encouragement. It is much needed and appreciated. I am feeling great now. Thanks for all you do.
Thanks to you for all of your help! Your daily emails are just so motivating – love it! Thanks again from Chicago!
I could really relate to your pep talk. I think because I had already gone through a miserable year or more of trying harder and harder to moderate, and feeling worse and worse, I was really ready for day 1 of sobriety. It was easy at first for me. Like stopping banging my head against a wall – such relief!
But then as some weeks went by, I now realize that OMG I have to face my troubles again. No drowning them in booze. No creating additional troubles though, so at least I just have my same old base troubles to deal with and not drinking on top of it.
Anyway, I can’t thank you enough for this program. I don’t know anyone in my social circles to talk to and no one even knew I had a drinking problem. I could really relate to the interview with Andrea and her methods of hiding it. That’s what I did too and I was quite good at it. I could work hungover when necessary and delay the finishing of my drinking session until no one was around.
I really do intend to take care of myself now, and from now on. I am so excited to be where I am now and not where I was 2 months ago. Very, very grateful today.
I still depend on your website to give me a daily pep talk and ideas for how to proceed. The best thing about sobriety that I am noticing is how much more enjoyable life is without the numbing. I went on a simple hike a week ago and was blown away by my sense of joy, by the amazing colors and smells, and just how much more I was able to enjoy the beautiful world. And this was just a hike close to my house – nothing extraordinary. But I experienced it as an extraordinary event and felt rather euphoric. So life is really improving and I think I get it about self care. It’s the base for everything else. Thanks so much again for all you do. I love your laughter too.
This week I’ll face a real test as I have to get through some very depressing and obligatory events and then I will be alone for 4 days as my partner is going off on a short trip. In the past, I would be looking forward to a drinking binge while he is gone. He is a non-drinker and when he would be on a work trip would be my signal to really binge. What is weird to me now, is that I would really look forward to that, even though when I did it I ended up worse off emotionally afterwards and feeling like sh*t physically for several days. And yet I would do it again the next time.
So this time, I am planning activities with friends and alone that I enjoy, piling up the sober treats which I am loving, and will seek out some good books too. I’m prepared to learn some new ways of being and determined not to give up my gains. I am noticing lots of improvements in my health, emotional states, and even some weight loss already in 41 days. But learning to deal with emotions sober is definitely going to be the challenge for me. So thanks for all your tips and encouragement. It is much needed and appreciated.
As 2016 draws to a close I wanted to thank you both for changing my life for the better.
I had made many improvements to my health over the years but was struggling with drinking too much and often. It’s funny how life is…. I was battling with thoughts of what to do to improve this situation and going back and forth in my head about stopping, moderating, or to just go on as I was….miserable about this.
Most days I woke up hating myself and living with regrets and/ or a hangover. I had looked at AA but didn’t class myself as that ‘bad’ as I could go days without a drink.
So one day on my walk, I was listening to Shiny Healthy You Podcast, and Jules you were interviewing Bex and talking about my problem….out in the open….with no shame attached. Bex sounded pretty normal….and awesome and so I looked up her program. I did nothing about it but the seed was planted along with hope.
A week later, I decided enough was enough and joined Sexy Sobriety and stopped drinking that day. That was August 30th and I have not looked back.
Now, 107 days later, I wanted to say thank you to you both for that Podcast and for talking about a problem that has so much shame attached to it. Once I made the decision, I have not looked back. The constant battle in my head is gone. There is no decision to be made anymore and nothing to feel bad about or regret. I can’t explain the freedom it has given me.
I no longer wake up depressed and wonder what my life is all about. I think alcohol is such a depressant but I couldn’t see it before. I felt like I lived for a drink at times to numb out things in my life. I now feel energised. I am more present for my family. I don’t have any shame and my memory has improved. I have more time. I am adding real value to my life. I just can’t explain how much that Podcast – and you both – have changed my life.
I don’t even count the days or think about drinking very often. I am adding value through other areas in my life.
Thank you for both of your platforms. And for being you. 🙂
And please know that you make a difference, and how very grateful I am to you both.
Much love xx