Love Notes from Members
I just wanted to say I LOVE YOUR COURSE! I started nearly 100 days ago, reeeallly unsure, grumbling to myself about how I’d be throwing more money away, starting something I wouldn’t finish. I’ve been trying to get sober on and off for 2 years, since I did Febfast in 2014 and loved it. And this time, it’s worked and I feel free! Here I am at 100 days! Woohoo! And it has actually been insanely easy, all down to your encouragement and friendly voice and the upbeat vibe.
Because I never hit bottom – because I never argued, or attacked anyone, or got arrested, or woke up in hospital – in the past, it was easy to relapse over and over again, arguing in my head that I wasn’t so bad. But I was drinking too much, every night, and it was setting up this cognitive dissonance in my head that was driving me nuts: I don’t want to drink/I really want a drink. I felt like shit and I was sick of feeling like shit.
I think your great gift – apart from your lovely empathy and warmth – is that you de-shame overdrinking. It feels like this terrible weight, this awful feeling of guilt and failure, this terrible deep dark secret. And you make it pretty everyday and just something we need to deal with, when we’re ready and on our own terms.
I really thought my life would shut down when I stopped drinking. But is has opened up in more ways than I dreamed possible. And I just wanted to express my gratitude and get this off to you before I start getting ready for work (I have time now, in the mornings, to do things. Unbelievable). Thank you, thank you, so much Bex.
Thank you for the live call today, especially the last few minutes. Two things stand out to me from this last week: ‘Are you willing to get to know yourself sober?’ And ‘you know what crap happens when you drink. But you don’t know (long term) sobriety. Are you going to give yourself this gift?’. I’ve never had a true arena of women that I felt I could both listen and learn from, while having the opportunity to express myself as I grow. Thank you for creating that. I’m very grateful.
Thank you again for these thought-provoking, but healing points.
Being in The Vault now, really USING this virtual sisterhood, and having since renewed abstinence with all of these tools, I am definitely spending a lot of emotional time with my 19 year old self. I am 41 this week, and have been an almost daily drinker the whole last two decades. You’re not kidding when you say that conscious sobriety strips you back to where things began. I’ve had some crystallised sorrow for that girl.
There isn’t a thing on this list that isn’t good and necessary medicine. I needed every last piece.
It is really learning how to live again. And every effort, no matter how minute or seemingly insignificant, led me to the very committed sober individual I am at this moment. With my heart peeling and falling open in beautiful tatters and layers. I’m excited to see what the original wallpaper looks like. And I’m going slow and methodically so I don’t accidentally rip through it with misguided zeal.
Maybe just one of you faltered or feels the same. I want you to know my heart goes out to you and I’m proud of you for even trying. I’m inspired to know you exist, and that you’re trying too.
Especially you, Rebecca. You’ve been a “sister” to me. I wouldn’t be quite here in this place of emotional growth without you. I would just still be wrestling with drinking. So thank you, ladies.
It’s only Day 4 for me but I am loving the program so far!
I’ve thought alcohol has been the thing that has made me happy for so long that I’m finding it hard to even visualise things that make me happy. So for now I am going to visualise myself at the end of 90 days having discovered what makes me happy!
Rebecca, thank you for this well timed review. Your labeling of sober treats or rewards as a prescription really helps me prioritize this. I absolutely “forget” to fill the wine shaped hole with healthy, mind blowing, innocent and nourishing things. And then I flounder.
It has revealed how unpracticed I am in this part of my life, which sheds light on how much I have expected wine to be for me. That’s a lot to ask from a liquid. 🙂 From the previous coaching call on self-soothing, I had made a note to focus on amazing sober treats as a “craft”, an art form. My brain is still wrapping itself around this. But the light is getting brighter.
I know I can’t make truly lasting changes approaching this from a place of deprivation. Creating and providing myself with wholesome rewards is essential, ’til it becomes one long string of twinkly lights stretching into both horizons- ’til life becomes an amazing sober treat, in and of itself. It will be good to get to the place where vibrant thinking, personal integrity and the high quality life it offers can be its own reward.
I appreciate that you reiterated the point about how to manage the limbic system and create new neural pathways. It takes work to make deep new grooves, and the wind and dust of time and travel to fill in the old ones. I need to meditate on that. It doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s alright. My little limbic system needs some TLC.
I always appreciate these calls, and your kind manner. I get as much out of the live coaching calls as I do the whole program. Thank you, Rebecca. Thank you so much for giving me this dignified space to sound things out, and for being such a compassionate trail guide.
Hi Bex! I just watched this coaching call now on Sunday morning in the US. Thanks for a great call!
I am going to focus on the healthy treats this week. I’m going to write down each evening what it will be for the following day when I am planning out what needs to be done. If I can squeeze it in, my highlight this week is going to be a massage on Thursday. Bliss!
Thanks again for your continued support via this awesome program.
Thank you Bex! I am so glad I found such a wonderful and supportive community of women. I love how you mentioned that this program is about giving your higher self a fighting chance – that really resonates with me and I will remember that when I hear my alcohol red wine monster talking! 🙂 Thank you for your help, inspiration and motivation! Have a great day!
I’m catching up on our live coaching calls now after some travelling… This one was fascinating and sobering in itself. I almost could feel that pressure as I looked at the slides. I really enjoyed the added visuals, those always make an impact for me, and the science behind them compels me to keep on my journey. Thanks, Bex – I’m so grateful for these calls.
Hi Bex! It’s been on my to-do list to email you for months now… I completed the Sexy Sobriety program in June and really enjoyed it. I also shared it with my sister and countless friends while doing it (although I’m not sure they’ve been able to take the leap!) Thank you for such a great program! I’m really impressed by how polished it is and what good quality. I liked the daily emails, journal prompts, recipes, etc.
It was a great experience. It’s made me look at my habits and routines under a different lens and question some of my behaviours and beliefs. Thank you for helping me to do this – and, in such a polished and sexy way! I wish you all the best.
Bex, I feel so strong in everything I’ve learnt and experienced by saying no to alcohol these past 2 months.
I love the podcasts and activities each day, and I so look forward to my daily email! Thanks so much for all you do.
Hey Bex! Wanted to let you know that I finished my 90 days a month ago and I’m still going! Pretty awesome hey?
Bex, first off…. you knocked my socks off saying you will be turning 40! It’s pretty unbelievable! You actually do sparkle and look ageless. That’s motivation enough for me to keep the course.
All the points you made! Spot on! It feels so amazing to hear you speak a language I totally get. You just resonate so much with me and for once I actually trust that I can make changes that are already so me I just couldn’t access them before because of dysfunctional patterns.
I’m on the beach today with my family. An ordinary day really…. Only it’s not ordinary ’cause Mommy didn’t pack beers and margaritas and is not sitting here wondering when its ok to start drinking them! (so embarrassing to admit!). It’s my day 60 and you have made it so do-able and totally enjoyable! You’re like my little willpower cheerleader! Mwah!! Xoxoxo
Thank you for today’s coaching call. There were a few things you said that are powerful and quotable:
1-Model for others how they should treat you by how YOU treat you (hello, Charlie). 2-Set a minimum standard of self-care (since I grapple with this, I love the idea of giving myself a foundation to build on. No maximum, just a minimum. A starting place. This goes along with making self-care non-negotiable.) 3-Anything that doesn’t feel like a ‘hell yes!’ is a no. (Fantastic- not a word more is necessary in this one.) So much to meditate on today, things that are naturally coming up in discussion with myself at this point anyway. Bread crumbs in the forest. Thank you.
Bex, I can’t believe I’m on Day 117! You are an angel! I couldn’t have done this without you. For years I’ve tried to cut out the cycle of drinking, just because that’s what we do. My outlook is so different now. Your light shines clear across the world!
Hi lovely Bex, I think my angels led me to you. This is precisely what I needed to read at just the right time. It’s floored me the parallels between your story & mine, including the health coaching & I feeling like such a fraud at times, hating the saboteur within. Its only Day 2 into the program, yet I’m feeling good, empowered and a little excited! Your words have really resonated because I can relate, so thank you for inviting me on the journey of my sober life! Much love. xxx
I think all of these sober treats sound FAB! I already drink kombucha and sparkling mineral water, which are great.
From now on I am going to buy myself fresh flowers to celebrate every week of sexy sobriety!
Another reward I will honour myself with is a beautiful facial. This, believe it or not, I only have once a year on my birthday. Well you know what sister, I am celebrating ME more often than once a year from now on!
Thank you all so much for sharing – it’s great to get new ideas!
I think – well, I know – drinking became a habit to numb or liven up negative or disappointing social interactions. And deconstructing that habit removes the veil from much deeper things I’ve been dissatisfied with in my life.
The friendship changing the most is the one with myself. I guess I could say I’m actually pursuing or cultivating one for the first time as an adult.
No questions here, Bex – because you’re answering them! This coaching call is really relevant to me now at day 76. I’ve been wondering what to do after the 90 days and your honesty, and all the points you’ve raised, are helping me stay calm. Excellent session! Thank you so much.
Hi Bex, I really loved Sexy Sobriety. It was hugely inspiring and empowering, and a wonderful course you have set up. Thank you so much. x
Last night after I heard myself snapping at my children, I sat and thought about why I snapped and where it came from and I realised it was day 4 without wine!
I felt proud of myself but also heard [my inner voice] say “this is when you’d normally be pouring a glass of wine …. go on, you’ve been good, 4 days … just duck down the road and grab a bottle, you can just have one”!! I then got up and put the kettle on to make a beautiful chai spiced herbal tea. I thought: wow… being the first weekend of sobriety, my body was craving what I have been feeding it every other Friday night for what seems like forever!
I am feeling so fantastic today and so grateful to have your support in this program, Bex. I’m feeling the Sexiness of Sobriety today, I can tell you. Mwah!
Bex, I loved this pep talk, thank you! Since I started my sobriety journey, I have found that I am able to express my creativity so much more. I guess it comes down to honouring my truth and feeling more able to express myself without fear or comparison.
I have signed up for a ceramics class on Fridays which is my fave day of the week now. I want to learn to draw and paint next, and I have also dusted off my camera and started taking pics again, and you know, I am not bad at all.
I have always thought I was not the creative type but I now see that creativity is innate in all of us and this realisation has opened up my heart to appreciate the art of others so much more. Happy creating, everyone! xx
Thanks Bex for that very helpful coaching webinar!
I’m on Day 15 today and feeling great! I’ve joined you for the Deepak Chopra Meditation Challenge. Can’t wait to start tomorow. xx
Hi Bex, You are such a beautiful person, thank you for your email, it was like I was getting the warmest hug from a friend and totally made me tear up! It’s so encouraging knowing that you’ve been there & you totally get it, and probably the reason why your daily emails resonate with me so much. I feel so energised and inspired to really do this, and keep this promise to myself to look after and nourish my body & mind… and zip up my sabotage side, the lush! 🙂 Much, much love.
Thank you, Sunshine Bex. Even though I am still taking it easy and preferring my interactions with friends and family to be more intimate, I have seen a huge change in the way I express myself. I am more honest and open about my feelings, my fears & failures, hopes & dreams, and it is transforming my relationships.
I can actually see people soften before my eyes and they almost breathe a sign of relief as it becomes clear that we are the same in our imperfections. The bonds grow visibly stronger as the walls come down. It’s a huge blessing and I hope to always stay in my truth.
Last night was the first time I could be 100% sure that every word that came out of my mouth was genuine, truthful and kind. That’s another huge score for us sober sisters. All my love to you on your individual journeys to freedom xx
Dear Bex, I completed the 90 day challenge whilst really enjoying the daily inspirational support you gave through the tips, talks, recipes etc. I’m not sure if I can ever live without bliss balls or homemade chocolate now, they are so delicious!
I so enjoy following your work and whenever I listen to any of your recordings or read something you write it always lights up my day. Keep up the fantastic work you do, you are a great inspiration to so many women, I love it! Lots of love from Amsterdam!
Bex, thank you so much for your help. I find your whole program and positive, caring and happy attitude and approach extremely helpful, uplifting and inspiring. I’m amazed to find myself on day 43 – so far, so good. Many thanks to you.
Sexy Sobriety has been a real game changer for me. Truly. There’s something so reassuring, affirming, and encouraging, knowing that there’s a whole community of amazing, inspiring women going through the same journey. Even though I haven’t met you or the community of sexy sisters face-to-face, I feel like you and the sexy sobriety community are all there with me (metaphorically!) when I’m walking into events, parties, family gatherings, or even just enjoying another weekend without alcohol. When I start to feel a bit wobbly and my mind begins to talk its random trash talk at me that I should have a drink, I think ‘What would Bex do?’ (in a non creepy way, of course!). ❤️
As for life now, after almost 4 and a half months of sobriety, I can happily share that I sleep better, have deepened my friendships, enjoy going out even more, and especially love waking up early for a run along our beautiful rivers, my mood is consistently more stable, and my skin is clearer. I’m even planning a week away with my husband (first alcohol free holiday for two in a l-o-n-g time) and planning on taking good books, great food, exercise gear, spa treatments and great chocolate. Can’t wait!
Please accept my heartfelt thanks for making such a huge difference to me, and to so many others, with your program. With lots of love.
Instead of a martini at the end of the work day, I’ve switched to a big glass of club soda with lots of ice and lemon. I also make a beautiful veggie plate; the crunchiness is a surprisingly good destresser! And then, like you, I plan some nice treats for later in the evening – an Epsom salt bath with essential oils, herbal tea, raw chocolate, a good book, something like that. I was thinking after your webinar that booze is advertised as a treat but it really isn’t. Sure, it relaxes me but then I have the shame spiral, the doubt dominos, a headache, an unproductive evening, bad eating, dry eyes, etc. I don’t get any of that from my new sober treats!
Bex, I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the 90 days of sobriety!!… I wasn’t sure what the end result would be (ie: is this sobriety forever or not?) and I think it’s just shown me how much alcohol was ALWAYS the reason: the reward for a good day or achievement, the relief from a bad day, the solution to a boring Friday night, the only way to have a crazy Saturday night. It was just always about alcohol. And now it’s not…
Instead, I’m thinking about what great adventure I am going to have that night, or the next morning when I am NOT hungover. Really powerful stuff. Your program is amazing, and not just for people looking to give it up completely. Just a total, much needed, shift in perspective. I am so happy that something so wonderful has come out of your sobriety journey!!
Hi Bex, You are a true inspiration and the work you have put into and continue to do on your program is amazing. It is certainly helping me. I’m on day 60 and I’m really thinking about things differently thanks to your wise advice and helpful ideas about self care and preparing for possible situations that could trigger the old reactions and behaviours.
As my husband really doesn’t understand what I’m experiencing and therefore doesn’t provide much support, I find your emails, interviews, pep talks, suggestions for different/nurturing/enriching/fun activities, elixir recipes and webinars uplifting and inspiring – and their colourful, professional presentation doesn’t hurt either! They help to keep me on track.
Your bubbly, positive attitude reminds me that it’s not all about self-denial, misery and just getting on with it.
The fact that you look so beautifully healthy and happy is another enormous positive!
I feel better able to face the days and especially the nights – thanks in large part to you! So best wishes, love and thanks.
Dear Bex, I have been meaning to write to you to say how much I appreciate the 90 day Sexy Sobriety course. Thank you so much for creating it for us.
In the past few days I have felt the desire to get my own biz up and running after months of questioning it all, BIG fear, and a pretty shabby attitude towards my own fulfilment, and pretty much everything. This rekindled desire feels like a major step forward for me and I put it down to ZERO booze for 11 whole days, not even one – no cheating! A triumph in my world after consistently getting into the vino for the past 20 years of my life.
I love your kind heartedness, your truth and your fearless self expression. I hope to shine my own light soon. Thanks again for your daily support and treats. I so look forward to opening up the new link each day. Huge love. x
PS. I really enjoyed the interview with Alice Nicholls. Inspiring stuff!
Thank you SO much for answering my question and addressing my concerns so thoroughly! I really connect with your comments about how much energy drinking uses up – not just in hangovers, finance, lost productivity, acquiring booze, the act of drinking itself, but also just all the energy we spend thinking about it. You managed to articulate something I felt, but wasn’t able to properly pin point.
The last few weeks have been hard, but I feel as if I’m coming out the other side – I’ve had some challenging feelings, but I’m riding them like a wave, and realising that all things will eventually pass.
Thank you so very much for your time and attention. It means so much to know that I have such a wonder sober mentor to help me navigate this journey. x
Hi Bex! I’m cruising along towards Day 90 (day 74!) and wanted to write you. For me, the most surprising part of sobriety is that I believe in myself so much more. I had always thought of myself as a confident person but now I know myself and like myself so much more. Thank you for your wonderful program – I really enjoy the journal exercises and the elixirs – I’ve branched out and am making up my own delicious drinks! Virgin Pina Colada anyone? Plus, you’ve got such a great “look” to the site – very cohesive and stylish in a modern, feminine way. Well done, Bex, and thank you so much! Keep well. xx
Bex, this is the first program that has even come close to making me want to change – and doing it so gently and accepting and fun, I really want to do this. I’m so grateful for what you’ve put out there with this program.
I just made a big batch of green juice for the day. I’m on day 55! Your instagram and your program have been huge in changing my relationship with alcohol. It’s amazing how different I feel.
Just last week I had a very exciting day and usually I would celebrate the excitement by having a cocktail or wine – instead I went for a run and really embraced the natural buzz my energy was already experiencing!
I just watched the interview with Sazzu Hope. Totally relate – I drank way more often than her but my quitting was so much more about my energy/vibration and the WHY do I feel the need to drink.
Thank you for making this program. It’s so exciting being on this journey.
Hi Bex, Thanks again for your kind words and support. I can now proudly say that I’m 2 weeks sober! I guess I just needed to hear someone else tell me what I have been telling myself, which is that I don’t NEED alcohol, it’s just that I’m new to dealing with so many aspects of my life without it. It’s like cooking a souffle for the first time – it’s hard and the fear of failure is very real!
It’s just been the easy answer for so long and right now everything seems so hard, so I wanted to take the easy way out. Thank you for all your help.
Hi Rebecca, I am on day 5 of the program and just watched the January webinar. Just wanted to say I thought it was really good, you talked about so many things that pre-occupy my mind, I really connected with so much of what you were saying. Everything you said about fear and self-sabotage was spot on. And I love the decluttering tips! Also, you come across as very warm and compassionate on camera. Thanks again, I am really looking forward to the rest of the program.
I’m really enjoying the Sexy Sobriety program over here in Toronto, Canada! I’m on Day 22 and it’s actually been a fairly easy 22 days – way easier than I thought it would be! The mental seesaw that always followed a night of over-drinking (I should give up drinking… I need to be better about sticking to my two drink maximum… I’ll just never drink red wine/port/cocktails again and I’ll be fine… No more drinking at home, etc.) is gone now that I’ve made the decision and it’s been great!
Thanks for the great program, Bex! You’ve done a wonderful job and have such a lovely kind voice; I’m feeling very good about the whole thing!
Hi Bex, Thanks so much for putting his program together! It has been a massive support so far. I am two weeks in and already feeling heaps better… Love the mix of content and easy, bite sized delivery… I wanted to touch base and just say thank you, it’s a big step for me to do this and Sexy Sobriety makes it so much easier and more fun and inspiring. I feel like I am gaining rather than missing out. So thank you!
Hi Rebecca, Firstly a HUGE thank you! I am SO pleased that I enrolled on the Sexy Sobriety path. I am now on day 42 and feel amazing!
I found phase 1 very easy and really found that the daily e-mail from you was a huge help… Thank you for being such an inspiration. I am on such a wonderfully happy and exciting journey now.
Bex, thanks again. You have helped me so much already and it’s only Day 19 for me – my 19th day of clear-headed, real-emotioned sobriety!
Bex, yesterday I hit the 30 day mark of my sobriety. And I wanted to thank you for what you have done with the Sexy Sobriety program! 30 days in, my biggest struggle is not beating myself up for not quitting sooner!
Not drinking this time has transformed my heart. And it’s only been 30 days. It’s really changed everything.
Not all the changes are complete, of course, but they are significant none the less. My drinking, which I thought buoyed me for so long, had been the anchor dragging me down…
Anyway, what I meant to say is thank you. THANK YOU for your lovely laugh which brightens my commute as I listen to the interviews and your pep talks. Thanks for putting this all together and for being a guide for me. You are a big part of what has pulled me once and for all from the darkness.
Bex, thanks so much for your advice and for being there when I needed you the most! Your program is really amazing and is just what I needed to help me. Thanks again.
Bex, I found your story today and it brought me to tears. It could have been me writing every single word. I am so sick of the hold that alcohol has on me. It’s my friend when I’m lonely, when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when something good happens and when something bad happens — but it’s not a friend at all. It turns me into a mean person who does ridiculous and hurtful things, it leaves me feeling anxious and sick, and it is a huge waste of time. I’m scared that if I don’t stop now, I’m going to destroy my relationships and end up alone forever. I am so glad I found you today…it has given me hope.
Bex, Just wanted to say how much I am loving everything… how much it resonated at this point in the program how grateful I am for the messages you are sharing. Thanks!
LOVE how you have laid [SexySobriety] out, from a coaching perspective super WOW! From a sober sexy girl – WOW! Excited to be part of this, only first day in phase one completed and I already feel supported… Love how I can’t skip ahead, and can’t wait until I can log into day 2! Thanks Bex, I woke up this morning pondering yesterdays exercise!
Hi Bex! I love this idea. I actually was alcohol-free for thirteen months straight and then decided I’d try drinking again – nothing dramatic actually but I really found to my amazement that didn’t enjoy it anymore! I drank occasionally for the last year and a half – but like you say, once the sober momentum is gone, it’s hard to get it back, and also what you say about the benefits only really showing when you are alcohol-free for a good period of time definitely rings true for me.
I love, love, love being sober, so I have signed up to your site to get my sober motivation again. I love the vibe – it’s gorgeous and positive and right up my street, as seeing and living sober as a positive life choice! Unleashing our fabulousness!
So, this treating ourselves well is so vital I agree – I actually think I started drinking again because I forgot all that lovely self care and ran on empty again – as women / mums do, so here’s to the sober treats! Lots of love.
Hey Bex, Thank you SO much for this wonderful, positive coaching call. I really identify with the ‘circle of life’ idea and also doing baby steps with things. I have a tendency to sprint at things and then run out of steam so this idea of laying foundations, and breathing into change, feels so kind and helpful to me.
I agree too about feeling connected.. to your partner, family friends and also your tribe. This has come up for me lately. I have good friends but they are not my ‘sober tribe’. I love Sexy Sobriety because, as I said to my husband last night, it can feel lonely sometimes ‘out there’ when people don’t get the journey you’re on, and this support can make all the difference. Thanks again Bex.
I love these suggestions! I’m going away tomorrow and will pack my bag with some tools. 🙂
I love the idea of different journals. I am also loving the daily emails. They have really helped me over the festive period not to feel like I’m missing out by not drinking. On Christmas Day I had a great alcohol-free sparkling wine in a flute and my husband tied a red ribbon round the stem for me so I didn’t get my glass mixed up with anyone else’s. It made me feel like I had a prize! Lots of love to you.
I loved this interview. What is so great is that this is proof that the path of sobriety can bring you all of what you were seeking by drinking. Of course the drinking will never get you where you want to be.
One of the main BIG themes I am getting from all the interviews that if you quit numbing yourself and give yourself some love, then your true gifts can come forth. I am already finding that to be true and I am developing some renewal for projects I have put aside for the last years of my drinking life. Now all of a sudden I am feeling energized.
The best part is waking up the same everyday – after a good’s nights sleep and feeling peppy again. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way. Day 24! Woo-hoo! Feeling way more optimistic and confident than before where there was always an element of slight depression. That reduction in energy is quite real. So thanks again!
Thank you, Ladies, for such an inspiring and uplifting interview. It is so powerful to see what can be achieved with sobriety. I was sober for 16 months and then I had a glass on my birthday and back down the rabbit hole I went!
Starting to feel excited to be finding my way back and living life on my terms again. It’s amazing to have beautiful, fearless, talented women being courageous and sharing their stories. Thank you! xx
Love all these ideas. I’ve come to realise that my evening wine ritual was just that – a ritual to mark the end of the day and move into the evening. I know that I need a channel change to unwind from the day – a walk, a glass of water, 5 minutes deep breathing and then a snack. I’m always hungry but I overrode that with wine. Now I have a healthy snack as soon as that feeling comes.
Thank you, Sexy Sobriety sisters and Bex, for this amazing resource of support and motivation. Often, my sober treat is listening to or reading one of the days in this gorgeous programme – I so look forward to them and love going back through them. Much love. xx
The interviews are my favourite part of Sexy Sobriety, and this one is outstanding. I will take as my motto “There is no downside.” So true. But before I came on your website, my only picture of non-drinkers was of very deprived people who forever put themselves down with undesirable labels and have cravings they have to just painfully muscle through for the rest of their lives. That’s what I thought was ahead if I went sober.
How refreshing and life-changing to see and hear these beautiful women who report back from the other side that they actually find they enjoy life so much more as their authentic selves can come out. No need to think you have to suffer at all. “There is no downside”.
And here I am at day 85 actually and I can honestly report that I have never felt so good for so long. I will never go back to that self-imposed state of limitations. And I am not suffering cravings or any bad event – in fact, I look forward to healthy food and delicious drink and wonderful people. It’s been awesome and I so appreciate hearing from those who have succeeded and who are now happy and successful. I can join you now! Thanks.
Hi Bex, I loved this pep talk. You are so comforting and positive and accepting – just what I needed today. Your voice has helped me connect with that voice in myself.
I mentioned before that I did a year alcohol-free and then went back to drinking once or twice a month for a year – it really didn’t work for me. A lot of the time I was trying to fathom if I was ‘that bad’. I feel over this time I was still working it out, writing, blogging, trying. I didn’t drink as much as a lot of sober folks I had connected to and yet I didn’t sit comfortably with people who drank… so I felt a bit tribeless.
What I have realised since I started the Sexy Sobriety program is that it was the wrong question. The question I now ask myself is not ‘Was I that bad?’, but ‘Did it make me happy?’. The answer is ‘No’. Even when I looked like a ‘Normal’ drinker on the outside, drinking never made me happy – the opposite in fact – I am SO much happier without it in my life, in my body. It’s amazing.
I am lucky to have fantastic friends who I am still really great friends with and like you say, we tend to do different kinds of activities and will often have a quick catch up over cake and find that we are sobbing over something and laughing like fools in the middle of the day.
I find that my connection to myself now is very strong. And I don’t want to drink because it would interrupt that connection. I trust that however I react it’s because I am reacting, not overreacting or underreacting because I have had a glass of wine or I have a hangover. I have learnt to say ‘I don’t know’ to my kids because sometimes it takes me a while to work out my take on something. I have found I enjoy sex more sober – I used to think I was much wilder with a bottle of wine inside me but I now realise I just was numb and disconnecting, whereas I actually show up now!
My oldest best friends ‘get’ it and the awkward ones are newer, circumstantial friendships which I let just be that rather than trying to speed-connect with wine just because I have to see them every day.
Thanks again for a lovely talk. Lots of love to you and to all the other sober goddesses doing this program. xxx
Hi Bex, I’m now on day 50 (Yippee!) but wanted to come back and comment again.
I had a week coming up with contentious events and I was terrified of it. And guess what? It passed without any big deal. No big willpower was needed like I was afraid of. I was able to just let the negative stuff pass by, although I was assertive and proud of myself for doing that without falling apart. I appreciated that I felt alert and able to make better judgments. It turned out to be another good week!
I just listened to your Sarah Yost interview and really related to her discussion that emotions, when you are sober, just pass by quickly. I just experienced that and it is so true. My overall good feelings are now much stronger than my overall feelings of anger and grief that I used to drink to get rid of. Now the negative emotions are just dissolving away and just don’t seem like such a big deal anymore.
I think when you try to drown them in alcohol that it just magnifies them when you stop drinking. Without the drinking, they are truly no big deal! What a revelation and revolution!
Thanks for all the tips and for your encouragement. It is much needed and appreciated. I am feeling great now. Thanks for all you do.
Bex, I’m actually so proud of myself today (Day 43!) because yesterday was my Sweetie’s Birthday, we went out to dinner to celebrate, along with celebrating a professional accomplishment of mine this week, and for a brief moment, I contemplated having a glass of wine to “celebrate” but I ordered a non-alcoholic Virgin Mary instead! (the yummy kind with all sorts of veggies in the glass).
Thanks to you for all of your help! Your daily emails are just so motivating – love it! Thanks again from Chicago!
Hi Bex, it’s hard to believe that it’s been 60 days!
I could really relate to your pep talk. I think because I had already gone through a miserable year or more of trying harder and harder to moderate, and feeling worse and worse, I was really ready for day 1 of sobriety. It was easy at first for me. Like stopping banging my head against a wall – such relief!
But then as some weeks went by, I now realize that OMG I have to face my troubles again. No drowning them in booze. No creating additional troubles though, so at least I just have my same old base troubles to deal with and not drinking on top of it.
Anyway, I can’t thank you enough for this program. I don’t know anyone in my social circles to talk to and no one even knew I had a drinking problem. I could really relate to the interview with Andrea and her methods of hiding it. That’s what I did too and I was quite good at it. I could work hungover when necessary and delay the finishing of my drinking session until no one was around.
I really do intend to take care of myself now, and from now on. I am so excited to be where I am now and not where I was 2 months ago. Very, very grateful today.
Excellent coaching call, Bex! This really is the essence of it all isn’t it? Here I am on day 118 (!!!!!!!) and certain things are sinking in on a more profound level. When I first heard you talk about self-care, it translated into my mind as selfishness, which is a message I got from my childhood. I see now that it’s not selfish at all, but is your best way to be of service to others, and to show them by your life what real true health means. One thing it means is not abusing your body or soul with toxic substances which promise good things but deliver only ill health and deep unhappiness.
I still depend on your website to give me a daily pep talk and ideas for how to proceed. The best thing about sobriety that I am noticing is how much more enjoyable life is without the numbing. I went on a simple hike a week ago and was blown away by my sense of joy, by the amazing colors and smells, and just how much more I was able to enjoy the beautiful world. And this was just a hike close to my house – nothing extraordinary. But I experienced it as an extraordinary event and felt rather euphoric. So life is really improving and I think I get it about self care. It’s the base for everything else. Thanks so much again for all you do. I love your laughter too.
Thanks so much for tackling this – it is the biggie for me. I never did use alcohol in social situations but only when I was alone, and it was always to avoid my feelings that I couldn’t seem to handle. So I have no history of handling emotions in a mature way, really. I do journaling and hopefully that will help me now that I’m committed to sobriety.
This week I’ll face a real test as I have to get through some very depressing and obligatory events and then I will be alone for 4 days as my partner is going off on a short trip. In the past, I would be looking forward to a drinking binge while he is gone. He is a non-drinker and when he would be on a work trip would be my signal to really binge. What is weird to me now, is that I would really look forward to that, even though when I did it I ended up worse off emotionally afterwards and feeling like sh*t physically for several days. And yet I would do it again the next time.
So this time, I am planning activities with friends and alone that I enjoy, piling up the sober treats which I am loving, and will seek out some good books too. I’m prepared to learn some new ways of being and determined not to give up my gains. I am noticing lots of improvements in my health, emotional states, and even some weight loss already in 41 days. But learning to deal with emotions sober is definitely going to be the challenge for me. So thanks for all your tips and encouragement. It is much needed and appreciated.
When I review my drinking days of years ago, I cannot believe how much of my life I spent in places I didn’t want to be, with people I didn’t really like! Since starting Sexy Sobriety, treating my sobriety as a fun adventure, and really focusing on how I feel, I have already experienced huge shifts. My energy levels are even, my mood is amazing, I am kinder, I am more compassionate, and my productivity is through the roof! I’m not sure how I was even attempting to run two businesses and mother a toddler with wine in my life. Thank you, Bex!
I cannot thank you enough, Bex! I admire you so much – the journey you have taken and how you are sharing your heart and life lessons with us here at Sexy Sobriety. Such a beautiful platform for healing. I will take all you have said to us here to heart. Much love and light. x
Wow. Your comparison of drinking to a toxic love really cut straight to the heart of things for me! I was listening to your coaching call this morning and the tears were literally pouring down my face as you spoke about what you would say to a sister or friend if you saw them in such a damaging and dead-end relationship. I am going to use your analogy every time that ‘Wolfie’ voice starts scratching around for a way back in to my thinking. I feel like you have just given me an arsenal of tools to protect myself from that nasty old wolf. Thank you! x
Bex, hello lovely! I just wanted to check in and say how powerful your ‘Wolfie’ story was. My god, I sat and cried listening to that. It was exactly what I need to hear because I am now 5 months into the sober journey and loving it – but those little doubts have started to creep in lately, and I have a holiday to the South of France in a couple of weeks! So thank you, lovely Bex. x
So lovely to catch up with this coaching call, Bex! I love Sexy Sobriety so much because it’s so positive and practical. I have been really put off or wobbled in the past, and recently, by the language around sobriety. I’m on a couple of forums where there are a few members who use a lot of heavy ‘addiction / recovery’ jargon which really gets me down and makes it all seem such a chore rather than a blessing . So to catch up today, and hear your positive, funny, and at the same time wise, approach just puts me right back on track. Thank you, hon! xx PS. I LOVED what you said about the brain science of sober treats and reprogramming the reward centre!
Thank you so much, Bex. The call was wonderful and really helped. Thank you for being so kind and understanding – I am truly grateful to have such a safe space to come to without judgment or shame. Hug thankfully received. x
Hello Bex & Jules,
As 2016 draws to a close I wanted to thank you both for changing my life for the better.
I had made many improvements to my health over the years but was struggling with drinking too much and often. It’s funny how life is…. I was battling with thoughts of what to do to improve this situation and going back and forth in my head about stopping, moderating, or to just go on as I was….miserable about this.
Most days I woke up hating myself and living with regrets and/ or a hangover. I had looked at AA but didn’t class myself as that ‘bad’ as I could go days without a drink.
So one day on my walk, I was listening to Shiny Healthy You Podcast, and Jules you were interviewing Bex and talking about my problem….out in the open….with no shame attached. Bex sounded pretty normal….and awesome and so I looked up her program. I did nothing about it but the seed was planted along with hope.
A week later, I decided enough was enough and joined Sexy Sobriety and stopped drinking that day. That was August 30th and I have not looked back.
Now, 107 days later, I wanted to say thank you to you both for that Podcast and for talking about a problem that has so much shame attached to it. Once I made the decision, I have not looked back. The constant battle in my head is gone. There is no decision to be made anymore and nothing to feel bad about or regret. I can’t explain the freedom it has given me.
I no longer wake up depressed and wonder what my life is all about. I think alcohol is such a depressant but I couldn’t see it before. I felt like I lived for a drink at times to numb out things in my life. I now feel energised. I am more present for my family. I don’t have any shame and my memory has improved. I have more time. I am adding real value to my life. I just can’t explain how much that Podcast – and you both – have changed my life.
I don’t even count the days or think about drinking very often. I am adding value through other areas in my life.
Thank you for both of your platforms. And for being you. 🙂
And please know that you make a difference, and how very grateful I am to you both.
Much love xx