Welcome to Episode 1 of our all-new Sexy Sobriety adventure series!
This series was inspired by the question, what next? What happens when we’ve been sober for a while? How do we really take our wellness and growth to the next level, and create a life that truly lights us up?

Today’s interview felt like the perfect segue from our traditional interview series into this exciting new realm…

 
Back in my teens and 20s, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what self-awareness even was, let alone have a strong enough sense of self to know what my values were.

I remember going for a job interview at a marketing company when I was about 19. The manager was a confident, charismatic man who smiled as I sat down and boomed, “So, Rebecca, tell me – what are you passionate about?”

I was completely baffled, and thought this must be some strange ‘marketing speak’ I wasn’t privy to. I mumbled something about being passionate about “my life”, but honestly, I didn’t have a clue. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.

This was also around the same time that I developed the underlying belief that if I was thinner, people would love me more. I became obsessed, keeping a food diary and challenging myself to reduce the number of entries each day. Dizzy spells and almost fainting became as normal to me as breathing.  This false belief was a nightmare that haunted me for years.

Add to this, a propensity to drink myself silly, and you had one very lost, anxiety-ridden, ashamed, young woman.

It feels a world away from where I am now – alcohol-free, and finally at peace with wholesome food, my body, and my life.

I was so excited to fly to Singapore to talk to Aimee Barnes Pestano, not just because of her amazing work helping women to overcome alcohol misuse, but also the interesting crossover into eating disorders (and why it is that so many of us have experienced both).

Following her own transformational journey out of clinical depression and an alcohol use disorder in 2009, Aimee fell in love with running, and felt compelled to make a career shift, combining the fields of coaching, counselling, fitness and wellness.

When Aimee and her husband relocated from New York to Singapore, Aimee continued running, and then entered a national bodybuilding championship (and won!), propelling her onto the speaking circuit.

Join us as we dive into the correlation between eating and alcohol use disorders, the unique pressures and cultures of expat communities, and the beauty and liberation of self-discovery…

 

“ The disordered eating starts usually quite early, right? As a coping mechanism, or as a mechanism to push away that discomfort with oneself. And so, a lot of the women I work with, as a coach, I’m not just trying to get them to stop doing a certain behaviour, or stop using a substance. That’s actually a very small part of my job.

 

It’s: ‘Who are you? What do you want in life? What do you want to ask for? What’s your purpose? What are your values?’

 

THAT’S the work that I do and I love doing. And most often, they’ll say: “I don’t know. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know who I am; I don’t know what my values are.”
And that takes a long time to build and discover. Not running away from the self. “

 

 
Gretchen’s story is one I’ve become so familiar with as I interview more incredible women like her, and welcome more members from around the globe to Sexy Sobriety.

So many of us found that we struggled with people pleasing, approval addiction, over-exercising, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression, before we even had the chance to pick up our first drink.

For a young girl, they’re some heavy burdens to bear! Not to mention what they do to our self-esteem and ability to really know and trust ourselves.

“Our frontal cortex isn’t fully formed until our early twenties. My addiction began at eighteen, so it’s taken me six or seven years to really become a full adult, in many ways. Like, how I process things, how I perceive myself… “

One of my favourite IIN lecturers, Daniel G. Amen, MD, Psychiatrist, founder of Amen Clinics, and one of the world’s foremost experts on applying brain imaging science to everyday clinical practice, concurs:
 
“If you want to be more successful in all aspects of life, you need to protect and take care of your brain… [Our] brains aren’t fully developed until about age 25. This is when the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the part of the brain that controls decision-making, judgment, forethought, focus and impulse control, among other functions, is considered fully developed.”
 
Gretchen recently celebrated 7+ years of sobriety and 8+ of recovery from an eating disorder. Hers is a story of not only healing, but of channelling her passions into a way to help others. Now happy and healthy, she devotes her days to helping other people to find more peace, wellness, and self-love.

“Everyone told me this, and you think, ‘oh I’ve got it figured out’. But you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. And it’s so clichéd, but it is SO true.”

Join us as we talk mental health, getting to the truth of who we really are, and the process of rebuilding our relationships with ourselves…
 

https://youtu.be/OjfRl1DxJ24
 
No sooner had we recorded this interview with one of Sexy Sobriety‘s very first Members, Maya Henry, than I came across this passage in Brené Brown’s new book, Rising Strong:
 
“We can’t selectively numb emotions – when we numb the dark, we also numb the light. When ‘taking the edge off’ with a couple of glasses of red wine becomes a routine, our experiences of joy and love and trust will become duller, too. With less positive emotion in our lives, we are drawn to numbing. It’s a vicious cycle…”
 
Aahhh, sing it, sisters!

One of the great ironies of drinking is that it can seem like a convenient way to numb ourselves to what we perceive as ‘negative’ emotions. What we forget is that in doing so, we also numb ourselves to feeling the full spectrum of human emotion, and therefore never feel truly alive.

Two years ago, Maya knew in her heart that she was ready for change. Her journey of self-discovery led her to Sexy Sobriety and then to enlisting the support of a health coach.

“I really did feel that my sobriety, once I committed to it, was that black and white for me. I didn’t want to live in that grey area anymore… I didn’t want to have that part of me that was always thinking, maybe this time it’ll be different… It just wasn’t worth it anymore.”

Maya’s is a story of not only finding herself, but following her heart into a new career that truly lights her up. Now happy and healthy, she devotes her days to helping other women find more peace in their daily lives.

Join us as we talk courage, clarity, connection, and discovering the gifts that had been buried there all along…

“Being sober allowed me to explore my passions. I kinda’ started that journey while I was still drinking, but it was like looking at it through the glass bottle. I could just never find enough confidence to take any major leaps, because I didn’t have the confidence in myself.

When I stopped drinking, I gained so much self-confidence and all this self-awareness, that I looked around and said, ‘I’ve been asking all these people to tell me what to do. But I’m the only one who really knows.’ So I actually quit my job, took some time off, and started a meal planning business…”