It feels surreal to be telling you this, but I actually started writing this post to you from my hotel room overlooking the Sydney Harbour this morning.

I’d just finished dialling in to a conference call with The Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York, after receiving an invitation to share the story of Sexy Sobriety with their Ambassador network. It was an incredible honour, and as the sun glittered across the water, a passenger liner cruised right on by my window, and I felt overwhelmed with the magnitude and beauty of it all.

Then it was time to jump onto our train to the Blue Mountains. And when we arrived, my parents called to give me the news that my grandfather had passed away.

Because, life, right?

It’s one crazy, unstoppable, messy, rollercoaster ride. One minute we’re basking in the light, the next we’re plunged into darkness.

What I’m discovering (a little more each day) is that the key to our happiness or suffering is how we choose to react.

When my grandmother passed away a decade ago, I chose to drink myself into oblivion – only allowing my emotions to come out when I was well and truly plastered. It was torture. Every morning I had to deal with my own self-loathing as well as my grief, and none of it brought her back.

When I received the news today, I felt that same urge. The desire to escape my grief and vulnerability – to numb the raw pain of it.

Instead, I chose to feel. I chose to weep, right there on the platform, in broad daylight, in full view of a ton of people. I chose to embrace my heart rather than my embarrassment about being emotional in public.

Later, when we stopped into a cafe so I could get my bearings, I chose to order a pineapple juice (not a wine).

Usually, news like this would have had me living in my head for days. Instead, I chose to verbalise what I was feeling, telling Dom the things I loved and would miss most about Grandpop.

And tonight? Tucked up in our hotel room in the mountains, with a mini bar just two steps away? I know that choosing a hot tea and a bubble bath will do a whole lot more to soothe my heart than booze ever will.

If you’re struggling with something that feels insurmountable right now, above all, choose love, beautiful. Reach out for support, be your own best friend and cheerleader, and surround yourself with people who lift you higher. You’re amazing, and you got this.

With love,
Bex x

 
Gretchen’s story is one I’ve become so familiar with as I interview more incredible women like her, and welcome more members from around the globe to Sexy Sobriety.

So many of us found that we struggled with people pleasing, approval addiction, over-exercising, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression, before we even had the chance to pick up our first drink.

For a young girl, they’re some heavy burdens to bear! Not to mention what they do to our self-esteem and ability to really know and trust ourselves.

“Our frontal cortex isn’t fully formed until our early twenties. My addiction began at eighteen, so it’s taken me six or seven years to really become a full adult, in many ways. Like, how I process things, how I perceive myself… “

One of my favourite IIN lecturers, Daniel G. Amen, MD, Psychiatrist, founder of Amen Clinics, and one of the world’s foremost experts on applying brain imaging science to everyday clinical practice, concurs:
 
“If you want to be more successful in all aspects of life, you need to protect and take care of your brain… [Our] brains aren’t fully developed until about age 25. This is when the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the part of the brain that controls decision-making, judgment, forethought, focus and impulse control, among other functions, is considered fully developed.”
 
Gretchen recently celebrated 7+ years of sobriety and 8+ of recovery from an eating disorder. Hers is a story of not only healing, but of channelling her passions into a way to help others. Now happy and healthy, she devotes her days to helping other people to find more peace, wellness, and self-love.

“Everyone told me this, and you think, ‘oh I’ve got it figured out’. But you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. And it’s so clichéd, but it is SO true.”

Join us as we talk mental health, getting to the truth of who we really are, and the process of rebuilding our relationships with ourselves…
 

Gretchen Hoechner is a wellness consultant and public speaker in Nashville, TN. Having recently celebrated 7+ years of sobriety and 8+ of recovery from an eating disorder, she is an inspirational speaker for support groups, schools, churches, and other organizations that desire to learn more about addiction and reduce the associated stigma. She also works individually with people looking to improve their lives by taking a holistic approach, with resources, strategies and personalised programs in the areas of nutrition, exercise, and mindset.

Find Gretchen at  Get Healthy 615 :: Instagram :: Facebook :: Twitter

One of the great ironies of drinking is that it can seem like a convenient way to numb ourselves to what we perceive as ‘negative’ emotions. What we forget is that in doing so, we also numb ourselves to feeling the full spectrum of human emotion, and therefore never feel truly alive.

Two years ago, Maya knew in her heart that she was ready for change. Her journey of self-discovery led her to Sexy Sobriety and then to enlisting the support of a health coach.

“I really did feel that my sobriety, once I committed to it, was that black and white for me. I didn’t want to live in that grey area anymore… I didn’t want to have that part of me that was always thinking, maybe this time it’ll be different… It just wasn’t worth it anymore.”

Maya’s is a story of not only finding herself, but following her heart into a new career that truly lights her up. Now happy and healthy, she devotes her days to helping other women find more peace in their daily lives.

Join us as we talk courage, clarity, connection, and discovering the gifts that had been buried there all along…

“Being sober allowed me to explore my passions. I kinda’ started that journey while I was still drinking, but it was like looking at it through the glass bottle. I could just never find enough confidence to take any major leaps, because I didn’t have the confidence in myself.

When I stopped drinking, I gained so much self-confidence and all this self-awareness, that I looked around and said, ‘I’ve been asking all these people to tell me what to do. But I’m the only one who really knows.’ So I actually quit my job, took some time off, and started a meal planning business…”

Maya Henry is the creator of Meals with Maya, where she helps busy moms who are stressed out about dinner-time to plan meals their whole family will love, so they can enjoy family meal time again.

Find Maya at Maya Henry :: Facebook :: Instagram

 
 
I recently had the honour of interviewing Approval Addiction Specialist, Amy Pearson from Live Brazen. One of the fascinating things she shared with me was a powerful tool she uses with her clients.

She explains it like this:

One third of the world will always be haters. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, no matter how fabulous our shoes are, they just won’t like us.

One third of the world will always be neutral. They could take us or leave us. Total indifference.

And one third of the world are our people. They totally get us, and think we’re the best thing since spiced olives.

The problem is we often spend wayyy too much time trying to win over the first two camps. We might dress differently, or speak differently, in an effort to get them to like us.

Carry on like this for too long, and we begin to forget who we are. Our sparkle fades. We become a shadow of our true selves.

Suddenly the third group can no longer recognise us as one of them. Heck, we barely recognise ourselves anymore.

And so we appeal to no-one. We feel isolated, disconnected, and lost. Losing ourselves further at the bottom of the bottle feels ever more seductive.

So how do we turn this train around?  This is one interview you won’t want to miss.  Join us as we talk approval, expectations, connection, and fulfilment – and how they relate to our drinking…

“It is human nature to want to feel connection – to want to feel safe in social groups… Safety trumps self-actualisation every time. That’s what we’re all looking for, but if you’re not feeling safe, you’re not going to start to be able to improve yourself and become that person you want to be.
 
And so many of us are going about it wrong. We’re settling for this false sense of belonging. We are changing who we are. We’re putting on a facade so that we can settle for faux belonging. And, as a result, our community, where we can really experience true intimacy for the first time, without ever having to try, they’re waiting there for us, and we don’t even know it, and they can’t even see it.”

Amy Pearson is a master certified Martha Beck life coach, a coach mentor and instructor for Martha Beck’s life coach training. She’s a teacher, coach, writer and speaker. A former approval addict (with the occasional relapse), she’s now addicted to success. Her mission is nothing short of world peace by empowering every heart-centered entrepreneur to magnify their tribe, make great money and an epic impact while doing their unique thing in the world.

Find Amy at LiveBrazen.com :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Pinterest Take the Approval Addiction Quiz at ApprovalQuiz.com

 
 
I love this. When I was trying (and failing) to moderate my drinking, I’d go around and around in my (hungover) head, thinking:

Well, it’s not like I’m a fall-down-in-the-gutter drunk, or anything. Surely I don’t have to give it up completely?

Turns out I was asking the wrong question. The right one – the one that shifted everything – was:

What was I giving up by continuing to drink?

From ‘work hard, play hard’ as the Director of a tech startup in Silicon Valley, to Life Coach and Spiritual Teacher, Holly’s story held me spellbound. By all accounts, with career success and a busy social life, she should have been happy. But when she looked up one fateful morning 2 years ago and saw only a painful existence, she set about changing it. She didn’t just stop drinking, she completely upgraded her life.

Holly now lives a life of soulful peace and clarity. Better yet, she’s helping other women to do the same.
Join us as we talk healing, self-confidence, spirituality, and the pursuit of happiness…

“The work that you do on yourself to be able to rise above something like this, it instills this amount of self confidence in you. It’s not just about not having alcohol, it’s that, actually, you’ve done all of this work, so you show up someplace, and you don’t need to hide behind alcohol. And you don’t need alcohol to make you into the person that’s ‘fun’. You are just naturally exciting, and interesting, on your own merit.”

Holly Whitaker is the founder of Hip Sobriety, a lifestyle website dedicated to empower you around your relationship with alcohol and addiction, and to help you navigate sobriety in a modern and holistic way. She’s a Life Coach, Kundalini and Vinyasa Yoga instructor, writer, and speaker, and creator of Hip Sobriety School – a virtual course to DIY sobriety. Her obsessions include Italy, meditation, non-fiction literature, yoga, photography, studying A Course In Miracles, inspiring people to be their crazy awesome selves, and ending addiction as we know it.

Find Holly at Hip Sobriety :: Facebook :: Instagram :: Twitter

 
I could have chatted with Carly Benson for hours. Like so many of us, hers is not a dramatic story of arrests, broken homes or massive debt. It’s simply the story of a woman wanting something better for herself. Something more meaningful than endlessly chasing the superficial ‘fun’, that was slowly corroding her soul.

When Carly stopped drinking 7 years ago, her life slowly and completely transformed. She now lives a life of empowered clarity and connection. Better yet, as a coach, writer and speaker, she’s helping other women to do the same.

Join us as we talk breaking points, self-love, the beauty of change, and the blessing of feeling the full spectrum of human emotions…

“I look at pictures of me from back in that time and I’m like: who IS that person? I feel like I wasn’t even really living. Now I’m just very present. I’m in the moment. Like, I’m here. I hear you.
And when I go out, I’m making eye contact, and I’m actually listening. I’m not thinking about: well what bar are we going to next, or hey let’s go get shots, or what did you say? I’m too drunk to remember…
Life is just a whole new level when you practice sobriety. And it takes a lot of guts. You know, I talk to a lot of people and I tell them: it’s not for the faint of heart. But if it’s something that you do, you can do anything.”

As an avid traveler, yogi and confessed self-help junkie, Carly Benson writes about her adventures in life and sobriety on Miracles Are Brewing, where she offers inspirational concepts for enlightenment, recovery, and having a miracle mindset. 

Find Carly at Miracles Are Brewing :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Instagram

 
 
I remember reading something a couple of years ago that really struck me. It said that in every moment, we get to choose love or suffering.

I kept choosing suffering. That was just my default mode.

I didn’t realise it at the time, of course. Despite the heartache that drinking often caused me, I just truly didn’t believe that sobriety would ever be a better option.

And at first, it wasn’t. It was really freakin’ hard. It was confronting and frustrating and time consuming.

But once I got through those first few months, of forging a new path and feeling utterly vulnerable, I began to rise. Like Carolan Deacon, I became better and stronger than I was before…

“And I wrote this in one of my songs: like a warrior rising from the ashes. You’re strong and empowered, and you’re free. When you’re addicted to anything – whatever that is – you’re not strong. And that’s a portal for other stuff to come in that you don’t want. You first have to lay those addictions to rest.”

When Carolan stopped drinking 12 years ago, her life completely transformed. She now lives a life of soulful clarity and authenticity. Better yet, as a dynamic performer, coach, writer and speaker, she’s helping other women to do the same.

Join us as we talk self-love, truth, connection, and rocking our sweet potential…

“The best thing about sobriety is: I feel whole. And to put it in just a little snippet of joy infusion, I still relish being able to wake up without a hangover… I love the delicious feeling of right before I fall asleep every night. For twelve years I’ve been loving it! There’s no havoc in my head… it’s such a beautiful, simple thing. It’s a funny thing to mention but I still cherish that.
And in the big picture it’s the strength, the freedom… and the ability to LIVE like I was meant to live.”

Carolan Deacon is The Illuminating Songstress and the creator of True Voice Coalition, a rich and powerful program guiding women from around the world in finding their true voice and living in the freedom of their Truth. Her concerts are enjoyed around the country and her music and teachings can be found at CarolanDeacon.com.

Find Carolan at Carolan Deacon :: Google+ :: YouTube :: Twitter :: iTunes

 
Kelly Fitzgerald is the author of the sobriety post that went viral around the globe:  7 Things I Learned During My Year Without Alcohol.  Like so many of us, once Kelly started drinking, she found it increasingly difficult to stop.

“I was a binge drinker, meaning I could go days without taking a drink, but when I did drink, I went hard. Blacking out was normal and recurrent for me. I did and said things I never would have done if I was sober. I had terrible hangovers and alcohol made me physically sick a lot. I played games with myself. I told myself I could just drink one, just drink beer, just drink wine, etc. but those conditions I set for myself never worked.”

Now two years alcohol-free, Kelly writes about her journey on her courageous and beautiful blog, Sober Señorita. Hers is a magical story of self-discovery, uncovering who she really is, and transforming her life…

“There is nothing bad about sobriety! My life has gotten so immensely better, I can’t even imagine going back. There is a quote I hear often that says: “My worst day in sobriety is better than my best day drunk.” And it’s so true. Even on bad days, life is good and I am grateful. I can handle anything that happens because I now have the tools and skills to deal with them. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.”

Kelly Fitzgerald is a sober writer living and working in Southwest Florida. Her interests include Mexican culture, politics, soccer, and the beach. Her goals are to break the stigma of addiction and one day write her own memoir.

Find Kelly at SoberSenorita.com :: Facebook :: Instagram :: Google+ :: Twitter